Home Is Where The Heart Is

Really, Home is where the heart is! What happens when your heart is split between two places 5000 miles apart?

Here I am this morning sitting on the balcony looking at the sunrise reflecting off the white walls of Topkapi Palace thinking about a lot of things and soaking in the energy of the universe like most mornings. Only this morning for some reason I am completely split. I have three kids in the US whome I have not seen since November 27th of 2006. I miss looking into their eyes, touching their cheek or hugging them. I think of them every day, and how much they just don't understand why. I talk to them but it is not the same and it probably never will be.

I am also thinking about my fourth child growing in my wife, and what kind of life we will have to share. The love, the cheeks, the hugs. I love my wife, this place, and this life. I still miss them. Happiness and sadness shared by the same thought, pleasure and pain at the same idea by the same heart.

I do my duty, I support my kids in the states all I can. But it is impossible for me to do the little things I want to so much.

How do I share that? How do I share that with my wife and our child. Do they experience less of me because part of me is there pining for my children I cannot see anymore? Am I harming my fourth child, loving it less because I am sending some into the great unknown for it? Is an 8 week old fetus able to perceive the drain sending love 5000 miles is on me?

The home is where the heart is? İs it possible to have a broken and full heart at the same time?

Peace

LeePsycho